I am followed, I am lost

holdmypurse:

Listen. I woke up at 9pm right. Girl, my dumb ass thought it was 9am and I missed work. Im out here screaming at everyone, cursing God, and doing 85 on the highway before I realized I just took a nap and it was still Thursday. 

I cant do this anymore. 

(via tsarcasm)

the-goddamazon:

recoveringhipster:

So stoked about the Hobby Lobby ruling today. Officially going to incorporate myself so I can get a religious exemption for my student loans debt they violate my deeply held religious conviction that all debts are supposed to be forgiven every seven years, as per the book of Deuteronomy.

Bruh. Why didn’t I think of this.

(via ithought-iforgot)

the-vashta-nerada:

ALRIGHT SO IT’S 2:30 IN THE MORNING AND I WAS JUST ABOUT TO FALL ASLEEP AND  THEN I SAT UP AND ALMOST SCREAMED BECAUSE I WAS STRUCK WITH REALIZATION AND I DISCOVERED THE ULTIMATE TRUTH OF THE UNIVERSE

TELETUBBIES ARE CALLED TELETUBBIES BECAUSE THEY HAVE TELEVISIONS IN THEIR STOMACHS

(via heartless)